Commending the good and calling out the bad...

Ah a much needed rest day after four days on. I can feel how hard I have been climbing as its been a while since I have really felt sore. I'm sitting in the coffee shop charging my few electronics and pondering some thoughts, which have been thrown in my face this week. I am hesitant to write about this, but figure why not. It is a topic I have been questioning lately.

As a female climber on a solo trip I am a minority, even at a time when more female climbers exist than ever before. Bringing attention from the dominate male climber population. As I have often been told "you can't blame a guy for trying." Most female climbers experience this attention whether they acknowledge it or not. I have been told I can be oblivious at times.

Amongst the female climbing community there tends to be a negative view on the attention received by many male climbers. You can find many posts on the internet about the life of a female climber and  lines about "male climbers considering a day of climbing to be a date." While it may seem at times inconceivable to some, often women really just want a climbing partner and are not searching for a man, a fling, or friends with benefits. A female really might be in a place where they chose to be single. It has baffled me when confronted with the opinion I must be on a search for love... I just want to climb.

98 percent of the time comments or attempts from male climbers are witty, tasteful, and most importantly respectful and no woman would complain. Instead she probably is smiling and blushing a little. There is an appreciation even if the interest is not returned. I have to give the man credit for taking a chance as nerve racking as it might be or maybe it comes naturally I don't know. If the feelings are mutual it can be quite fun, but if they are not it is often still flattering.

So when has the line been crossed?  How does it go from flattering to uncomfortable?
This is something I ran into this week and truly made me uneasy...

When the guy is relentless with his comments. Especially when the two have only known one another a few hours. Don't think laying it on thick is clear communication. I know I personally do not want to be smothered with attention and often am really bad at taking complements. If you are trying to be blunt then use your words and state it. Don't continuously tell the girl you just met an hour ago how rad she is or agree with everything she says even if you originally stated an opposing view. Don't give a tone of anger or expect an apology when plans don't pan out. (huge red flag will go off in her head!!!) She doesn't want to be your side kick her goal is to climb and she has her own agenda, which is not centered around you.

Here are some signs the girl isn't into you and you are bordering creepy:
    The girl awkwardly and quietly laughs and changes the subject when you complement her.
    The girl acts as if she didn't hear what you said.
    The girl moves every time you make an attempt to be close to her.
    The girl becomes short with her answers and conversations.
    The girl avoids all future plans.
    The girl speaks about lots of other guys...although as a climber most of her friends are probably guys
    who are just friends, but she may bring up the same name often as to hint an interest in someone else.

Take the hints and put yourself in the friend zone!!!  Otherwise you run the risk of being lumped in with the 2% of dudes who make the female climber uncomfortable and weirded out!  Then you will cause her to completely avoid you. Tell her friends about the weird encounter for reassurance she isn't crazy. Walk the other direction even if it is out of her way, avoiding any interaction.

If she does end up running into you she will probably still be polite, but short, and if that bothers you don't act like a child and make snide comments as she walks away, confirming the immaturity of your personality.

It is a small percent who give the bad wrap to male climbers.  I commend the ones who complement and take a chance in a respectful manor. Many of you have elevated my self esteem and I appreciate the climbing relationships and friendships I have formed with you. In the end keep yourself in check and don't give male climbers a bad name.

I do not think every male I climb with hits on me and find it irritating when I hear other females with that opinion. Many of my climbing partners have always been just friends and I have not felt they thought anything more of it. Female climbers lets not be so harsh to say how annoying it is that we get hit on all the time...we all know thats not true, but the small percent who make it uncomfortable really cause us to have a guard up.