Commending the good and calling out the bad...

Ah a much needed rest day after four days on. I can feel how hard I have been climbing as its been a while since I have really felt sore. I'm sitting in the coffee shop charging my few electronics and pondering some thoughts, which have been thrown in my face this week. I am hesitant to write about this, but figure why not. It is a topic I have been questioning lately.

As a female climber on a solo trip I am a minority, even at a time when more female climbers exist than ever before. Bringing attention from the dominate male climber population. As I have often been told "you can't blame a guy for trying." Most female climbers experience this attention whether they acknowledge it or not. I have been told I can be oblivious at times.

Amongst the female climbing community there tends to be a negative view on the attention received by many male climbers. You can find many posts on the internet about the life of a female climber and  lines about "male climbers considering a day of climbing to be a date." While it may seem at times inconceivable to some, often women really just want a climbing partner and are not searching for a man, a fling, or friends with benefits. A female really might be in a place where they chose to be single. It has baffled me when confronted with the opinion I must be on a search for love... I just want to climb.

98 percent of the time comments or attempts from male climbers are witty, tasteful, and most importantly respectful and no woman would complain. Instead she probably is smiling and blushing a little. There is an appreciation even if the interest is not returned. I have to give the man credit for taking a chance as nerve racking as it might be or maybe it comes naturally I don't know. If the feelings are mutual it can be quite fun, but if they are not it is often still flattering.

So when has the line been crossed?  How does it go from flattering to uncomfortable?
This is something I ran into this week and truly made me uneasy...

When the guy is relentless with his comments. Especially when the two have only known one another a few hours. Don't think laying it on thick is clear communication. I know I personally do not want to be smothered with attention and often am really bad at taking complements. If you are trying to be blunt then use your words and state it. Don't continuously tell the girl you just met an hour ago how rad she is or agree with everything she says even if you originally stated an opposing view. Don't give a tone of anger or expect an apology when plans don't pan out. (huge red flag will go off in her head!!!) She doesn't want to be your side kick her goal is to climb and she has her own agenda, which is not centered around you.

Here are some signs the girl isn't into you and you are bordering creepy:
    The girl awkwardly and quietly laughs and changes the subject when you complement her.
    The girl acts as if she didn't hear what you said.
    The girl moves every time you make an attempt to be close to her.
    The girl becomes short with her answers and conversations.
    The girl avoids all future plans.
    The girl speaks about lots of other guys...although as a climber most of her friends are probably guys
    who are just friends, but she may bring up the same name often as to hint an interest in someone else.

Take the hints and put yourself in the friend zone!!!  Otherwise you run the risk of being lumped in with the 2% of dudes who make the female climber uncomfortable and weirded out!  Then you will cause her to completely avoid you. Tell her friends about the weird encounter for reassurance she isn't crazy. Walk the other direction even if it is out of her way, avoiding any interaction.

If she does end up running into you she will probably still be polite, but short, and if that bothers you don't act like a child and make snide comments as she walks away, confirming the immaturity of your personality.

It is a small percent who give the bad wrap to male climbers.  I commend the ones who complement and take a chance in a respectful manor. Many of you have elevated my self esteem and I appreciate the climbing relationships and friendships I have formed with you. In the end keep yourself in check and don't give male climbers a bad name.

I do not think every male I climb with hits on me and find it irritating when I hear other females with that opinion. Many of my climbing partners have always been just friends and I have not felt they thought anything more of it. Female climbers lets not be so harsh to say how annoying it is that we get hit on all the time...we all know thats not true, but the small percent who make it uncomfortable really cause us to have a guard up.

A mini reflection of my adventure...no climbing talk in this one.

I began to read a new book (my friend Rhea sent me off with several) the title is Rowboat in a Hurricane, I'm so hooked and almost finished. I never read books this fast, but love reading about peoples adventures. This woman decides she wants to row across the Atlantic Ocean. She is an average person, not a professional athlete or even a rower.  Her journey is pretty inspiring and I can relate to many ideas and feelings she expresses. One of my favorite quotes is when she is pondering if she made the right choice leaving her career and life as she is in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, her partner/ fiance says "It's too easy to allow external pressures to dictate what we strive for, and not what really makes us happy." My adventure has shown that statement to be true in so many ways, while leading me to understand what I need to be happy.  

My happiness depends very little on monetary means and societal norms, and very much on the quality of landscape and proximity to adventure. I need change in my life, although being settled in an area is an ultimate goal for me, I need to allow myself to make changes big or small, frequently in my life.

Being back in Bishop is so comforting. It is a unique feeling to be this at ease. Every morning I wake to amazing views. The landscape here is inspiring and calming. The rising sun brings incredible lighting. The natural beauty is at times over whelming in a wonderful way. 

I feel these days I smile more than ever before. Those minimal moments where I start to have negative feelings or thoughts are so easy to address. I am able to change my mindset and view even negative moments in more positive ways allowing more growth to come from them. I have learned how I want to react to many different situations and am still learning of course.  

I am not at the end of my adventure, but nearing it. I have committed to a job, which will begin in May. Granted this job will be a very easy way to step back into the working world, but it is still a commitment. From there I will have some decisions to make. These are decisions I continuously push out of my mind as I tell myself I still have far to much time to begin to worry about "real world"choices.  As I reflect on the emotions rising to the surface every time my mind contemplates these questions, I realize this adventure has instilled confidence I thought I always had, and now realize I have only just discovered. I plan to look at handling those questions spinning in my head as an adventure of their own and look forward to what I will learn next.